It Is Not Because Of "It's time" This Time!

Have job grade upgrading last two weeks, together with the VB letter. This time, only have the feeling of "promotion". Why I say so? because this time only 24 people in the company in the rank M has promotion, and so far I still haven't heard anyone else in my dept is in the list (maybe I am too busy with work until no time to 8). Some colleagues in the other dept congratulated me when met up in lift etc. This time, I only felt...."wow"...
Last year, too many people getting promotion (in my dept) until I felt that it was no speciality. It was just because..."it's time for me", after a few years of experience. Maybe I was affected by a chit-chating with a colleague before I received the letter. From the chit-chating, got to know a younger colleague who is not really met the expectation of an immediate superior at certain task area also get the same promotion. Well, can't blame me I was under-estimate myself in that scenario.
Anyway, now is the time I feel that, emmm, maybe I have something different, hahaha...

P/S: I admit that I am very "responsible" in my job. Can't count how many times I stay late (nowadays normally is around 8pm) in office for work. All this while I don't think I'm a workaholic. Yesterday met a colleague in an activity function, a colleague who rarelly communicate and know well. He congratulated me at 1st, and later sort of saying I'm a workaholic. Well, I can ignore his comment as he really doesn't know me well, nor dealing much in office. Anyway, have a 2nd thought, do I?

Where is my other cake?

Receiving letter about our performance bonus last few days....Really not much, compare to last year. Reason been given, what else? is our downtime of economic....same as increment. Been told that mine is consider good compare to the others...as getting an upgrading this time. However, the % of increment is really insignificant. Having dinner with a friend last night. He said his company is giving two figures of % increment. Wow, that's lots. Ours? aha...still have balance using one of my hand to calculate. Same industry, why having so much difference? chamm....

Am I not good enough?

It has been long long time I didn't update my blog. No emotion been touched for things happen.
Something has changed this few days. Attending a Leadership training for the past 3 days. Beside the theoretical part, we have received our own motive and values analysis. On top of that, 360 degree of survey has been done and received a bomb from what I perceive myself and what other people's perception on me. What a plenty room of improvement, if looking at the bright side.
I'm still a young leader, who just start my journey not long ago. It's normal if I'm still not doing it right. However, maybe I'm a perfectionist. I do feel down when I find out I'm not good enough.
Am I not good enough of leading a team? Am I not good enough of being a superior? Am I not good enough to plan and build up somebody's career? Am I not good enough to being a peer to help up the others? Am I not good enough to help up my boss? And most importantly, am I in the right path to move forward?
A lot of things come into my mind. A lot of things need to be done. A lot of thinking need to be go through first. Unlucky part is, I need to fill up my career progress report in the mist.
Whether I shall scrub up the report tomorrow or not, I am more looking it as a frankly opportunity to reset my gear. I do not mind to stand a bit longer here, but looking to move my first step again in the correct direction.
We will be giving chance to have one to one session with one of the consultant on Monday. I pray hard to God, please assign the speaker to me. He is really an experience and sincere consultant that I have met. I hope he can help me to clear my doubts about the choices that I shall take.
God bless me!